Expert legal commentary: The TIPP method for negotiating with difficult people

George H. Golvan QC Bjuris 1968, LLB 1970

“Never get angry. Never make a threat. Reason with people.”: Don Vito Corleone – The Godfather.

I propose a useful acronym, which I call TIPP, which identifies, in my opinion, the most important strategies to remember when negotiating with difficult people. 

The goal is to try to shift a difficult negotiator from an aggressive competitive approach to a rational problem solving approach. 

TIPP stands for: Time, Interests, Persuasion and Persistence.

Time

Give yourself time to think, do not react to provocation emotionally, respond rationally.

If an aggressive unreasonable proposal is put, give yourself the time to think through what your response should be.  It has been said that if you react in anger you will give the best speech that you will ever regret.  Sometimes the best reaction is simply to remain silent and let the other person talk until the initial anger passes. 

Ask your opponent to explain again why he wants ‘X’.  This gives you time to think and requires your opponent to justify his/her demand. 
Another suggestion, is to request a break.  William Ury in his excellent book: ‘Getting Past No - Negotiating With Difficult People’, from which many of these ideas are taken, calls it ‘going to the balcony’, which is essentially a metaphor to distance yourself from your natural reactions, until you have time to think and respond calmly. 

Whilst you are thinking you need to reflect on some important matters:

• What are your real interests and goals in the dispute?  Is the relationship one that you wish to preserve, reduce or end?
• What is your BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement)?
• Why is the other side behaving like they are?  Do they need to have more information about the risks?  Do they have hidden constraints or interests?  Do they understand their best interests?

Interests

Direct the discussion to interests rather than positions.

This includes helping the other party to identify their interests and your interests by asking pointed questions, such as:

• ‘Why?’, ‘Why not?’, ‘What makes that fair?’, ‘I don’t understand your interests’. Ask simple questions that require the other party to rationalise his/her position.
•  ‘What do you see as the real problem?’  This question requires the other person to explain his/her position.
• ‘How does your proposal meet my concerns?’  This requires  your opponent to start thinking about what your interests might be and how to find a solution that meets mutual interests.
• ‘What will help us to put this behind us?’  This invites your opponent to start considering a solution that focuses on interests.
• Another variation is: ‘what would you do in my position?’  This forces your opponent to look at the problem from your point of view.
• ‘How can I put this to my partner?’  This helps to reframe the problem from your point of view.
• ‘What will happen if the negotiations fail?’ This is a pretty important question, because it requires consideration of the consequences of non-resolution which your opponent might never have considered.

Persuasion

Seek to persuade by reasoned argument.

By all means give your opponent a hearing, acknowledge his/her point, by saying, for example,  'I can understand what you are saying'.  But also seek to persuade by reasoned argument.  Raise any new information, facts and circumstances that may be of relevance to changing their mindset. ‘Have you considered these facts?’  ‘Have you taken into account some important piece of new evidence?’  Sow the seeds of doubt into the opposition’s mind.

Get tough, if you need to!

Warn, but do not threaten.  Point out the consequences if the dispute is not resolved.  For example: ‘If the dispute is not resolved I intend to issue proceedings next week in the Court. The costs and time spent in litigating will be substantial.  If you lose there will be the risk of a significant judgment.’  Or even: ‘let’s talk about how we can best have a Court decide this matter’, which shows that you are serious about breaking up the negotiations if progress cannot be made.

Remember that negotiating is about reciprocity.

Try not to make a concession without requesting a concession in return.  Every negotiating proposal should commence with an ‘if’; ‘if I am prepared to offer ‘X’ will you be prepared to do ‘Y’?’

Persistence

Finally, good negotiators are invariably persistent and patient.

Herb Cohen, who is described in his books as the ‘world’s foremost expert on the art of negotiations’, suggests that all too often negotiators simply give up when their ideas are rejected and move on to some other idea.  He proposes that you should treat ‘No’ simply as a negotiating position and do not give up, reframe the proposal at a different time and in a different way.  Persistence and patience pays in negotiations.

Conclusion

While reflecting on over 25 years of experience as a negotiator and mediator in commercial disputes, during which I have frequently dealt with complex issues and difficult people, three key messages emerge:

• Even if your negotiating opponent is proving difficult, treat them with respect, listen to what they have to say and acknowledge them and their ideas. Try to establish rapport with the other party, even if you do not agree. 
• Understand your real interests in a dispute, and try to understand what is motivating the other party, what are their underlying interests and constraints that need to be dealt with if this dispute is to be resolved.
• Enter the negotiations with the intention of finding a solution which is mutually beneficial to both parties.  Focus on win-win, not win-lose!